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| My dear late friend Kyle Scanlon |
Trans folks have become the latest targets of the hate-filled right in North America determined to distract the masses from the immense damage that conservative economic policies are actually doing to most people.
Conservatives always hurt the "little guy" whether they are straight or queer, female or male or non-binary, white or POC.
But to distract the little guy from what they're really doing, conservatives often love to find some unpopular or misunderstood minority group and demonize it, claiming the minority group is the greatest threat to ordinary families. Through shared hatred, the conservatives attempt to bond with ordinary people. Donald Trump is an expert on this strategy.
I've lost count of the number of anti-trans laws that are spreading throughout the U.S., all based on ignorance and fear. In Canada, New Brunswick has also started playing politics with the lives and safety of young trans kids in their schools, forcing teachers to disrespect and ignore the chosen names and pronouns of young trans kids in the classroom. The result is a school system in New Brunswick that will be more hostile and dangerous for trans kids, who are the most vulnerable of our children.
Now Pierre Poilievre's party is threatening to take this hatred nationally. And PP has already called out Prime Minister Justin Trudeau for daring to speak up for vulnerable kids in Canadian schools.
While I abhor the disgusting opportunism that conservatives are practising both here and in the U.S. to make political gains at the expense of the most vulnerable, I do understand the hesitation of some parents to get their heads around this issue.
I get that most people, at first, react with some repulsion, or confusion, or ignorance to the whole trans issue. Our society's gender norms are quite entrenched and when someone dares to live outside of those norms, they tend to stand out and draw much attention and, sadly often, scorn and violence.
For me, I ask that you please try to put aside any misgivings and actually speak with and get to know trans people. To learn from them.
I had very little understanding of the lives of trans people until the mid-2000s when a longtime friend I'd first met as Kelli told me one night over drinks that his real name was "Kyle" and that he was in the process of transitioning to becoming a man.
Kyle opened up my mind to the realities of trans life. He told me stories about his childhood growing up in Hamilton, Ontario when he was still somewhat happy. It wasn't until puberty struck and breasts began to form on his body (as a biologically born female) that a deep depression took hold. No more could he pretend to be a "boy" as the body he was born with clearly no longer conformed with how he felt in his heart and head.
Years of struggle, depression and denial ensued. But finally in his adulthood, several years after coming out as a lesbian, Kyle embraced his true identity as a trans man. He began taking medications and prepared for surgery which would bring his body more in line with his identity.
Kyle was a sweet, loving, kind, smart, friendly man. His transition did bring great happiness to his life and I know he lived many of his dreams.
Alas, depression is a terrible thing and not so easily overcome. Sadly, Kyle took his own life in 2012.
I mourned him along with all of his friends and some family. I often wonder if there was anything I could've done to be a better friend to him. To help convince him to ignore the demons in his head and live longer. I'm sure all of those who loved him have asked themselves the same things.
Nevertheless, Kyle's legacy in all of our lives was to enrich us with great friendship and love. And also greater understanding of his experience as a trans man. I'll never forget what he taught me.
For me, it's simple. How can we as a society support gay people who are sexually attracted to their own gender? And make room for gay people and even let us marry? But not have support or acceptance in our hearts for people who simply don't conform with traditional male-female identities we've all inherited? Is it that big a stretch? I don't think so.
We know masculinity and femininity are fluid and beautiful aspects of human life. There is nothing wrong with being a woman, and nothing wrong with being a man. Most of us don't fit neatly within the cultural gender confines we've inherited. It makes sense to me that some of us would be biologically born one gender, but biologically or psychologically also find ourselves more identifying as another. I'm not threatened by this reality.
I ask all of you reading this: please, before you judge trans people and go along with any nasty campaigns against them, please seek out opportunities to talk with or learn more about actual trans people to find out their sides of the story. Personalize the experience by actually speaking to the people in question. And then, having listened to both sides, come to your conclusions.
Please don't support misguided school policies that target trans youth without first speaking to trans youth to understand their points of view and what impacts those policies will have on their young lives.
The way forward is always openness, communication and inclusivity. Life is too short to make it torturous for the most vulnerable among us.
